I hope I'm there. Saturday I had to go back to the emergency room - my left hand started swelling and I had to get tested for a blood clot. I do have one, but it's superficial in my left arm, so they sent me home with instructions to take a ton of NSAIDs and use hot compresses.
In the mean time, the incision on my left side popped open at some point this weekend and it continues to leak fluid all over the place. I finally gave up on gauze yesterday and taped an adult diaper up under my arm.
This morning I got my first good news in a while - it's official now - I do not need radiation. There's about 10% chance of recurrence on the chest wall given all of my other factors, but the doc said she thinks the risks of radiation outweigh the possible benefit at this time.
This afternoon we went back to check in with the surgeon. She decided that despite the incision reopening (about an inch, pretty close to my armpit) she doesn't want to stitch it closed. She showed Bob how to pack it with gauze and I'm to take two showers a day with him repacking and redressing the wound between now and Friday. It is so disgusting I can't even tell you, and it smells awful. I smell awful.
I broke down again at both appointments today. I'm just not doing well at all emotionally. I took a referral to a psychiatrist at the cancer center from the radiation doc. I don't know how long it will take to get in to see him, but I hope it's sooner than later. I don't want to consider SSRIs or anything long term right now, especially because I'll be starting to play with hormone replacement therapy to some extent this week, but I need to do something. If I could take a pill and sleep away the next month of recovery, I would. I know that's not possible or reasonable, but it's the most appealing idea right now. I just can't deal with anything else right now. I feel like a zombie, and I'm pretty sure I smell like one too.
In the mean time, the incision on my left side popped open at some point this weekend and it continues to leak fluid all over the place. I finally gave up on gauze yesterday and taped an adult diaper up under my arm.
This morning I got my first good news in a while - it's official now - I do not need radiation. There's about 10% chance of recurrence on the chest wall given all of my other factors, but the doc said she thinks the risks of radiation outweigh the possible benefit at this time.
This afternoon we went back to check in with the surgeon. She decided that despite the incision reopening (about an inch, pretty close to my armpit) she doesn't want to stitch it closed. She showed Bob how to pack it with gauze and I'm to take two showers a day with him repacking and redressing the wound between now and Friday. It is so disgusting I can't even tell you, and it smells awful. I smell awful.
I broke down again at both appointments today. I'm just not doing well at all emotionally. I took a referral to a psychiatrist at the cancer center from the radiation doc. I don't know how long it will take to get in to see him, but I hope it's sooner than later. I don't want to consider SSRIs or anything long term right now, especially because I'll be starting to play with hormone replacement therapy to some extent this week, but I need to do something. If I could take a pill and sleep away the next month of recovery, I would. I know that's not possible or reasonable, but it's the most appealing idea right now. I just can't deal with anything else right now. I feel like a zombie, and I'm pretty sure I smell like one too.
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